D: Where the fuck did all this hair come from?!?
R: Seriously… you’re asking this? Every morning I go into the upstairs bathroom and I feel like I have to dig for my toothbrush through the haystack of beard hair you somehow leave every day. every. day.
D: The bathroom is a place for hair; it is a sanctuary for grooming. This is A FORK I fucking eat with.
R: The way you eat, I would never guess you use a fork.
D: Don’t change topics. Did you somehow incorporate our silverware into your sex life? LOOK! I’m basically holding a birds nest of human hair in my hand.
R: Don’t exaggerate, no bird would live in that.
D: This is only from one drawer. One. Look at the floor! Counters! There is hair wallpapering this place. This is the beginning of the shortest crime drama ever.
R: Okay, okay. Fine. No more sex in the kitchen.