Skill set

I can now take pillows out of their cases while I sleep. I'm deciding to call it a new skill set in order to offset the annoyance of it all. 

love in the time of covid


I'm not so much about dumping my personal life IN THIS way on these pages; so up front and simple, no meandering thoughts -- and asides (with the possible parentheticals recalling how pictures like this appear in dreams on old refrigerators), but with all the isolation and heaviness that seems to have lifted a bit recently, I can holler at a beautiful, intelligent woman and say "we can make it through anything". And we can look out at the world and smile and invite anyone to join us in moving forward.

experiments in forgetting that we are all the same

There’s this study I always have been fascinated by, which I’ve probably mentioned in this blog a few times in relationship to any number of thoughts I have going on, that involves people’s preference in laundry detergent. The outcomes play out like this: if you get a random selection of people to enter a room one at a time and they are interviewed with one of the questions being what their favorite laundry detergent is, the answers will pretty much be equally spread across major brands that are advertised and sold in the area. If you do the same interview process, but behind the interviewers you place a picture of a tidal flat, people will heavily be skewed towards saying that their favorite detergent is Tide. In both cases, when asked why people like the detergent they do they will tell you, with conviction, why they like the one they do over all others.

Today waking up to strange statistics like people in Florida voting 60% for raising minimum wage, but also voting 53% for a president that doesn’t support minimum wage, this social experiment drifts into my mind. Texting with a friend this morning he wrote me, “It’s like no one cares about policy as much as aesthetics.” I think this is a painfully true statement. The arguments across party lines sound like people arguing over how their favorite sports team is better because of their amazing defense, even as they continue to lose game after game. The arguments are not about the policy that allow us to live in civil relationship with our neighbors and supports our vision of the world, but instead about backing the person who’s affect seems to create an outside image of ourself that we feel akin to. 

It’s a bit like an Instagram account packed by photos of our failing relationships dolled up looking as if they come from a newly found honeymoon phase or the healthy lifestyle we are not actually living; we parrot and advocate for people we think show something about our inner selves that we feel needs to be seen by others and isn’t; or maybe needs to be seen by ourselves but we can’t seem to put our finger on how to display it. 

Policy never enters the equation.

I was at a friends place in Montana a few weeks ago and another friend of mine, who is quite progressive, got into an argument with me about why wearing masks isn’t important. He always wears masks usually, but here in this setting we were surrounded by some friends that didn’t believe in doing so. He slipped easily into rhetoric about the reasons masks aren’t important. As I looked at him I wondered about that Tide experiment and the way we are so quick to align with others.

Today I wake up and the thing I feel most is not anger, but a realization to this need to align with others, especially in an age where our comments and persuasions are expressed on platforms that push us to flock together; that make our minds get a bit drunk and wander into bar fights. It’s a frustrating future to look at with these mechanisms of ours at play. And I don’t really know what to do about it, other than look inward and try to root out my own self deception and to continue to talk to others in the tone of curiosity and attention to detail.

While in Montana I met a guy named Tyler. We talked about saving turtles in the Congo, the environment, and guns. We talked a lot about Trump, who he supported. And we sat there, him in his NRA shirt and me in mine that said “Abortion is Normal” and tried to find middle ground. We did listen to each other, but at the end of the day his viewpoint was one of feeling that a side of American politics had screwed him and now he had a bully in Trump who would fuck with these people. He didn’t like Trump, but he liked what he did to those that he despised.

I can try to put a salve on my soul by grabbing onto values of self awareness and trying to see my own deceptions, but I’m presented with the uncomfortable reality that other’s pursuit of defining themselves as an individual and finding value is by striking out with violence and vitriol.

We are a country expressing maximum American Individualism as it was first created: an individualism founded in racism and capitalism. It doesn’t seem too surprising that this is where these founding values have taken us.